The Need for Understanding

The UK has been somewhat awash this last fortnight with varying reactions to the recent riots in England, much of which has seen people in the press validating pre-existing positions rather than stopping and making genuine enquiry into what has happened. I somewhat wish they would follow the following advice of Konrad Lorenz that ‘it is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young.’ This, as a habit, has much to recommend it, to everybody, not just research scientists or members of the commentariat. Perhaps, if we all followed it, we might begin not just to know ourselves a bit better but begin to know and understand other people better. Without such understanding from others it is difficult to know our own character; we need others to provide a ‘mirror’, and for this we need ‘society’. It is in the company of others in their ‘countenance’ and ‘behaviour’, that we begin to see the ‘propriety’ and ‘impropriety’ of our own ‘passions’ and the ‘beauty’ and ‘deformity’ of our own ‘minds’ to paraphrase Adam Smith. Face-to-face understanding is necessary if we are to succeed in relationships and building, not so much a better society but, society. We need each other to understand ourselves more fully. With sometimes the deepest, fullest understanding of ourselves coming from accepting that others hold views of us that are painful and difficult for us accept. While difficult to do, the rewards from this can be great, opening an opportunity for dialogue and giving us the freedom to more fully ‘stand in the other’s shoes.’ The ability to ‘stand in the other’s shoes’ is one of the great achievements we can make, particularly face-to-face with those with whom we disagree, who are not of our tribe. Yet without it conflict, violence, rage, fury, whether in looting or arson or the desire to use live ammunition or ruin lives with vengeful sentencing.We need to understand each other, starting with those we love and extending outwards through our neighbours, colleagues to a wider society. This starts with ‘standing in other’s shoes’. This is a good basis for sociality, which is what Kelly called the ability to understand how others makes sense of us and the world. With it, for him, we are able to play a role with the other, lover, partner, friend, neighbour, colleague, citizen....... Without it we are condemned not only to not know the other but to not fully know ourselves and it is only through more fully knowing ourselves, that we can put aside our own anger and rage, find ways of connecting with others, proceed with relationships and build communities that support human flourishing.